Everybody Run: The Cat Learned How to Hold a Knife
One local family was sent running away in a frenzied panic Tuesday night after their cat ‘Mewcifer’ suddenly learned how to hold a knife...
Hikers Accidentally Climb Giant Mountain of Dog Poop Bags at Trailhead
A group of hikers were in for a stinky surprise today after they realized they had mistakenly summited an enormous mountain of green dog...
Brewmaster Torn Apart By IPA Junkies Fiending For More Hops
Tragedy
struck a Georgetown brewery today as a beloved brewmaster was torn to shreds by
a ravenous pack of IPA addicts, fiending for more of the...
Home Depot Unveils New Line of Succulents That Only Need Water Every Other Weekend for Divorced Plant Daddies
In an effort to cater to their growing divorced plant-daddy demo, today Home Depot announced a new line of “Split-Custody Cacti” that only require...
Report: RFK Jr. Dropped Out of Presidential Race to Focus on Longtime Feud With Sasquatch
After several rumors circulated about what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was going to do with his spare time after dropping out last week, today...
Light Rail Operator Excited to Finally Find Out What’s in Lynnwood
Ahead of the Lynnwood Station grand opening on Friday, Light Rail Operator Tim Anderson is reportedly excited to finally find out what’s actually in...
Single Man at Brewery Without Dog or Kids Getting Weird Looks From Everybody
A single man’s trip to a local brewery reportedly became awkward today after the absence of a dog or children in tow prompted weird...
Presidents of the USA Relieved by SCOTUS Immunity Decision After Running Over Drifter With Tour Bus
Local band Presidents of the USA were reportedly relieved by last month’s SCOTUS presidential immunity decision after they accidentally ran over a drifter with...
Disappointing: Seattle Public Library Employee Responding to Overdose Fails to Shoot Anyone
Tough on crime critics were reportedly disappointed today after a Seattle Public librarian quickly responded to an overdose, but failed to shoot the man...
Smith Tower Vaporized After Seattle Central Library Accidentally Turns Sunbeam into Death Star Laser
Seattle unexpectedly lost a landmark today after a perfectly angled sunbeam bounced off Seattle Central Library’s windows and accidentally turned into a Death Star...
