Single Man at Brewery Without Dog or Kids Getting Weird Looks From Everybody
A single man’s trip to a local brewery reportedly became awkward today after the absence of a dog or children in tow prompted weird...
Presidents of the USA Relieved by SCOTUS Immunity Decision After Running Over Drifter With Tour Bus
Local band Presidents of the USA were reportedly relieved by last month’s SCOTUS presidential immunity decision after they accidentally ran over a drifter with...
Disappointing: Seattle Public Library Employee Responding to Overdose Fails to Shoot Anyone
Tough on crime critics were reportedly disappointed today after a Seattle Public librarian quickly responded to an overdose, but failed to shoot the man...
Smith Tower Vaporized After Seattle Central Library Accidentally Turns Sunbeam into Death Star Laser
Seattle unexpectedly lost a landmark today after a perfectly angled sunbeam bounced off Seattle Central Library’s windows and accidentally turned into a Death Star...
CEOs Concerned Employees Are ‘Quiet Profiting’ Off Their Labor
The business world was set into a panic today after a new report revealed CEOs have found evidence that their employees have begun doing...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your...
Sharks Attempt to Repair Image By Eating Their Way Through Forbes 500 List
Following a series of highly publicized attacks on yachts by orca pods, sharks have reportedly jumped on the bandwagon in an attempt to repair...
Seattle Mariners Apologize for ‘Geoduck Run’ Mascot Race
Although it had initially hoped to capitalize on the success of their new “Salmon Run” race with another sea-animal themed sprint, today the Seattle...
Centralia Spontaneously Combusts Following Trump Verdict
Following the announcement that Donald Trump was found guilty on all 34 counts in the former President’s hush-money case, conservative stronghold Centralia reportedly spontaneously...
Uber Promises Big Tip If Sara Nelson Delivers Their Agenda On Time
With a vote on the rollback of the gig worker minimum wage bill expected as soon as next week, Uber is reportedly offering to...
