Valentine’s Day Eviction Notices to Be Delivered via Candy Gram
With Seattle’s renter eviction moratorium set to expire on Feb. 14, the Mayor’s Office announced today that they plan to soften the blow of...
Puppy Bowl Star Ejected for Unnecessary Ruffness After Illegal Snoot-to-Snoot Contact
Controversy has marred the annual Puppy Bowl today after Linebarker Vontaze Barkfict was ejected for a late hit on Snifferback Pup Hamilton that resulted...
Mayor Harrell Orders Sweeps of Enchantments Campsites
Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new...
Election Officials Add Ballot Drop on Mailbox Peak for Voters Who Really Want to Show Off
Ballot return rates spiked this week after King County Election officials recently added a new ballot drop-box to the top of Mailbox Peak for...
Office Nerf War Gets Fucking Real As Dog Accidentally Hit In Crossfire
A Seattle office is in turmoil today after a lighthearted Nerf battle turned sour when the office’s resident dog, Princess Muffintop, was struck by...
Sick Bastard Puts Olive Oil in Coffee and Then Restricts Bathroom Access
As Howard Schultz prepares to take a bow at Starbucks, the CEO announced his final act would be infusing coffee with olive oil in...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left...
Emaciated Coca-Cola Polar Bears Maul Coke CEO
Tired of decades of habitat loss and starvation, today the beloved Coca-Cola Polar Bears reportedly took matters into their own paws by mauling the...
Fremont Troll Has Catalytic Converter Stolen from VW Bug
Seattle’s beloved Fremont Troll announced today that even he has now had his car’s catalytic converter stolen from literally right under his nose.
“Unbelievable—one second...
Unkempt Skagit Valley Tulips Engulf La Conner
A year’s worth of out-of-control, untended-to tulips descended upon La Conner, home of last year’s cancelled Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, engulfing the bulbous town...
