Mariners All-Star Julio Rodriguez was reportedly disappointed today when he was turned away from a Washington State Fair roller coaster after being told he couldn’t bring the Home Run Trident on the ride.
“Oh come on, the trident is clearly taller than the minimum height sign!” protested Rodriguez, trying to sneak the six-foot spear under his jersey. “I’ve already cleaned out all the prizes from every baseball bottle toss game at the fair, and I was looking forward to the roller coasters! Okay fine, I’ll take the trident on the carousel again.”
But despite Julio being Seattle’s new favorite sports hero, veteran carnival worker Chet Stephens wasn’t budging on the rules.
“Oh no you don’t, we let Edgar Martinez bring his Light Bat on the Matterhorn in the 90’s, and I’m not having a repeat of ‘The Incident’ on my watch,” said Stephens, throwing sawdust on some vomit near the ride. “It’s all fun and games until they throw their hands up on the drop and accidentally launch a projectile into the funnel cake stand. He can bring the home run ‘Swelmet’ on the ride, but that’s it—and only because we love Julio.”
At press time, the Mariner Moose was attempting to ride a bull in the rodeo, but everyone was too curious how it’d turn out to stop him.
