Spokane Prepares for ‘March Month of Relevance’ Basketball Tournament
After it was made official over the weekend that Gonzaga had once again made the cut for the NCAA’s March Madness brackets, today Spokane...
Nestlé Scrambles to Bottle LA’s Remaining Water Before Firefighters Give It All Away for Free
Bottled water producer Nestlé announced today that they would respond to the ongoing LA wildfires by rushing to obtain the region's remaining water before...
Thanks, I Guess? Inslee’s Last Act as Governor Just Changing State Flag to George Washington’s Feet
Outgoing Washington State Governor Jay Inslee announced today that his last gubernatorial act would be changing the state flag's design from George Washington's face...
Starbucks CEO Announces Mass Layoffs Due to Quarterly Earnings Being Down or Up or the Same
Today Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol announced an even larger mass layoff for the corporate coffee giant after quarterly earnings were way down or up...
Sen. Patty Murray Busted Embezzling Extra Hour of Sunshine
Just weeks after re-introducing a legislative effort to make Daylight Savings Time permanent, U.S. Senator for Washington State Patty Murray was busted embezzling the...
Uncontacted Tribe of Mall Santas Discovered in Abandoned Pacific Place Mall
The local scientific community is buzzing today following the discovery of an uncontacted tribe of Mall Santas living inside the abandoned Pacific Place Mall.
"It's...
Mayor Harrell Orders Sweeps of Enchantments Campsites
Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new...
Emaciated Coca-Cola Polar Bears Maul Coke CEO
Tired of decades of habitat loss and starvation, today the beloved Coca-Cola Polar Bears reportedly took matters into their own paws by mauling the...
Trump Pardons Howard Schultz for Moving Supersonics to Oklahoma City
President Trump's pardon spree continued today after he announced that he would formally pardon Howard Schultz for the unforgivable crime of moving the Seattle...
Leashed Mark Zuckerberg Introduced as Trump’s First Presidential Pet
American history was made today after President Trump introduced a leashed Mark Zuckerberg as his first official presidential pet.
"We always wondered why President Trump...
