Embarrassing: UW Cherry Trees Prematurely Blossom All Over Quad
An embarrassing incident unfolded at the University of Washington today after its world-famous cherry trees prematurely blossomed all over the Quad, well before the...
SPD to Receive 23% Retroactive Raise, or 4% for Every Officer Present on January 6th
The tentative Seattle Police Officers’ Guild contract released this week includes a 23% retroactive wage bump that was calculated by increasing their wage almost...
Boeing Stock Rebounds After Front Half of 737 MAX Lands Safely
After countless potentially deadly mechanical issues tanked the once stellar safety reputation of the nation’s only commercial airplane manufacturer, this morning Boeing stocks finally...
Baby Poked in Eye by Faulty Spoon Airplane Manufactured by Boeing
Boeing came under fire once again today after it was revealed that a baby was poked in the eye by a faulty Boeing 737...
Uber Eats Adds ‘CEO Yacht Fee’
Uber customers experienced an unexpected sticker shock today after an additional “CEO Yacht Fee” began appearing on orders placed within Seattle.
“First was the ‘Service...
Starbucks CEO Working Publicity Shift at Café Fucks Up Every Single Order
Starbucks CEO Laxman Narasimhan took a break from extracting value for shareholders to extract some coffee during a publicity shift at a Capitol Hill...
Seattle Makes Appointment For STI Screening After Gum Wall Spreads to Bezos Balls
A panicked Seattle made a last-minute doctor's appointment for an STI screening today after noticing the gum wall had spread all the way to...
Orca Mafia Begins Charging Washington Ferries for Protection So No More ‘Accidents’ Happen to Rest of Fleet
As Washington State Ferries continues to deal with an aging fleet, vessel breakdowns and a lack of staff, local orca “entrepreneurs” have stepped in...
Seahawks Honor Pete Carroll By Hanging His Gum From the Rafters
Following the shocking news that Pete Carroll would be stepping down as head coach, the Seahawks announced today that they would be honoring the...
Seattle Police Department Forms ‘Male Nipple Exposure Prevention Task Force’
Following a weekend raid on Seattle gay bars that resulted in several citation threats for the “exposure of a male nipple,” today the Seattle...
