Chaotic College Football Conference Shuffle Somehow Lands Wazzu in MLS
Following a chaotic dismantling of the Pac-12 that saw UW and Oregon join the Big Ten, a scrambling WSU administration was shocked to learn...
Fallen Leaf Receives 12-hour Leaf Blower Salute
In a moving and touching tribute, today a lone fallen leaf received an entire 12-hour leaf-blower salute before being laid to rest by loyal...
“Seattle Freeze in Full Effect,” Declares Room of Transplants Not Speaking to Each Other
The Cleveland-born founder of the Seattle SuperThawNics — a new support group for lonely transplants unable to navigate their new home’s frigid, post-apocalyptic streets...
Google Maps to Now Reroute Seattle Drivers Through Spokane
Seattle drivers asking Google Maps for the quickest way to avoid traffic across town are reporting that they are now finding themselves rerouted through...
Report: Architects Just as Confused by Rainier Tower as We Are
Decades after the construction of a downtown Seattle skyscraper long-touted as one of the most structurally sound buildings on the West Coast, architects are...
Dick’s HR Department Just Gives Up
After years of valiantly combating thousands of inadvertently spoken HR violations, the Dick’s Drive-In Human Resources team announced today that it just can’t do...
Mayor Harrell Still Waiting for ESPN Commentators to Talk About His Complete Sweep of Seattle’s Homeless
Hopeful national sports media won’t overlook how he used his ageless skillset as a high school jock to complete sweeps of Seattle’s homeless at...
Lake Union Hot Tub Boat Easily Capsizes into Cold Tub Boat
As summer temperatures spike worldwide, today Seattle's Lake Union Hot Tub Boats unveiled a new line of vessels that easily capsize into cold-tub boats.
“We...
Orca Pod Commandeers Fireworks Boat, Points Pyrotechnic Cannons at Jeff Bezos’ Yacht
Following a series of coordinated attacks on extravagant sailing vessels across the world, today one orca pod escalated their assault on the 1% after...
Disgruntled Local Bus Driver Lowers Ramp at Every Stop Just to Piss Everyone Off
Veteran King County Metro driver Bernard Davis is in hot water with no less than five Route 48 riders for continually using the accessibility...
