Couple Celebrates 8th Straight Summer of Not Taking Ferry to Victoria
Tonight, a refrigerated bottle of fine Costco red wine is ready to celebrate Corey and Lisa Stottlemyre’s eighth consecutive summer of almost taking an...
Sara Nelson Assures Council Extra Jail Space for Illegal Drug Users Always Exists In Her Backyard Shroom Hallucinations
Faced with questions about how it’s even physically and financially possible to jail more people arrested for illegal drug use while the King County...
Sound Transit Announces They Really Don’t Want You to Take the Train Anymore
After weeks of reduced service without a schedule on Link Light Rail, years without real-time arrivals on platforms, and massive delays on system expansion,...
Chief Diaz Informs City They Didn’t Have to Believe He Doesn’t Have Side-Chick on Payroll So Fast
While somewhat thankful the entire city instantly believed him when he said that reports he hired a romantic affair partner to be a close...
Man Wins Seattlers of Catan by Hoarding All Gore-Tex Resources
One local man declared total victory over his opponents at Mox Boarding House today after deploying a bold “hoard all Gore-Tex resources” strategy to...
Lauren Sanchez Left at Home After Jeff Bezos Only Able to Score One Taylor Swift Ticket
Trouble in paradise is brewing for Jeff Bezos today after he made the controversial decision to leave his fiancée, Lauren Sanchez, at home when...
Tacoma Upstages Everett’s Seattle-Paine Field Airport Rebrand With New T-Pain Field
Just days after it was announced that Everett’s Paine Field is being renamed Seattle-Paine Field Airport, Tacoma quickly stole the spotlight away today with...
Crowd Cheers as Beyoncé Gets In Formation, Goes Full Lemonade on Fleet of SPD Cruisers
After a long week of waiting for anyone to punish Seattle police union leaders caught on tape laughing at the death of a young...
Former SPD Chief Carmen Best’s Team at Microsoft Launches Text Deleter 365
A year and a half after being named Microsoft’s Director of Global Security Risk Operations, today Carmen Best—former Seattle Police Chief during 2020 protests...
SPD Warns that Without More Funding It May Not Be Able to Afford Killing As Many Innocent People Next Year
Today the Seattle Police Officers Guild issued a dire warning to the city that, without significantly more funding, it may not be able to...
