As summer temperatures spike worldwide, today Seattle’s Lake Union Hot Tub Boats unveiled a new line of vessels that easily capsize into cold-tub boats.
“We know stewing in a hot tub bubbling with 10 different flavors of White Claw and one friend’s unfortunate incontinence is not exactly at the top of everyone’s activity list on a 90-degree summer day, no matter how stunning the views,” said Lake Union Hot Tub Boats Owner Tad Russell. “That’s why now—with the simple pressing of a button on this here game-controller—our boat models can now easily collapse into an extremely soothing, cooling cold-tub boat that eventually expands into the exact size of Lake Union.”
The new boat models are already a hit with customers like local fitness and biohacking buff Melissa Highwater, who is super into ice baths right now.
“This is such a fun way to do one with your friends when you want them to feel as cold and unhappy as you choose to be every day.”
Russell said they did have a few other models for boats that would be more pleasing during the summer months, including a cooling submersible that takes people on haunted underwater tours past Amazon workers’ sunken dreams of being proud of what they do for a living.
“While it would be cool for more people to see how SDE3 Jeremy Whitmer thought his computer programming skills might actually make the world a better place when he was in high school a decade ago, that program is on hiatus indefinitely,” Russell said. “For now, honestly, I can’t think of anything more fun than taking a forced swim in one of our cold-tub boats that comes standard with the unique, only-in-Seattle adrenaline rush of hoping a Kenmore Air Seaplane doesn’t suddenly land straight on top of you.”
