Unkempt Skagit Valley Tulips Engulf La Conner
A year’s worth of out-of-control, untended-to tulips descended upon La Conner, home of last year’s cancelled Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, engulfing the bulbous town...
Mayor Durkan Brings Sonics Back to Seattle Center Food Court
Fulfilling a promise she made long ago, today Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan announced that she’s finally brought the Sonics back to the Seattle Center...
Metro Transit to Offer Special ‘Chase That Bus’ Outdoor Fitness Classes
Fan favorite King County Metro announced today that they will begin offering a new service for area residents during the pandemic: cardio classes modeled...
Panicked Introverts Begin Inventing New Excuses as Vaccine Rolls Out
As vaccine rollouts continue at a remarkable pace, reports indicate frightened introverts across the nation have begun the long, difficult process of creating new...
Shocking! Controlling Man Declines Offer to Control Own Damn Self
Despite being a big fan of controlling how women, people of color and low-income residents should live their lives, local control freak, cop and...
Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO to Spend More Quality Time with Subterranean Sea of Gold Coins
Pressed for more details on what he would be spending his free time on after stepping down as CEO later this year, Amazon founder...
Snoqualmie Squirrel Predicts Six More Months of Going Nuts
Not to be outshone by Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day, Washington’s own Snoqualmie Squirrel emerged from his cozy tree hovel today to announce...
Local Q-Anon Oscar Nominees Thank Academy of Child-Eating Lizardmen for Conspiring to Bestow Distinct Honor
Washington state Q-Anon stars of Borat Subsequent Moviefilm humbly thanked the Academy of Child-Eating Lizardmen today for conspiring to bestow upon them recognition for...
Jesus Hits Snooze Button, Will Rise Again Once Everyone Is Vaccinated
Son of God, Jesus Christ, announced this morning his annual resurrection re-enactment has officially been postponed by snooze button as he continues sleeping in...
25-Year-Old Horrified to Discover He 40 in Pandemic Years
As the coronavirus pandemic has forced the nation into sedentary lifestyles and rustic hobbies, one 25-year-old was horrified to learn today that he’s aged...
