Cranberry Sauce Performs Seductive Little Shimmy Out of Can
Visitors of a local Thanksgiving feast were treated to dinner and a show today after a can of jellied cranberry sauce performed a seductive...
Overzealous Fishmonger Sends Pike Place Salmon into Orbit
A staple Seattle tourist trap looked more like Cape Canaveral today as one of its coverall-clad employees hurled a fish straight through the roof...
Pete Carroll Replaces Gum with Turkey Giblet
Looking to rebound from the recent retirement announcement of his longtime chewing gum, today Seahawks coach and chronic masticator Pete Carroll revealed what’s already...
SPD Stocks Up on Tear Gas After Receiving Tip About ‘Black Friday’ Events Around the City
In an act of extreme precaution and concern for public safety, the Seattle Police Department confirmed today it’s stocking up on tear gas after...
Beluga to Sue Raffi Over Nude Baby Beluga Album Cover Photos
The rare beluga spotted this week in Puget Sound revealed in an Elliott Bay press conference today that he’s here to sue world-famous and...
Russell Wilson’s Middle Finger Struck Down by God for Flipping Someone Off for First Time Ever
Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson’s middle finger on his throwing hand was immediately struck down by God Thursday night at Lumen Field when he violated...
Imaginary Girlfriend in Canada Still Unable to Cross Border into U.S.
Local man Lucas Anderson failed to surprise anyone today with an announcement that, despite the opening of the northern U.S. border more than a...
Mass Exodus of Unvaccinated Cops to Finally Protect and Serve Community
After years of being asked to protect and serve the City of Seattle, at least a third of Seattle Police Department officers say they’re...
Seattle Sports Losing Streak Continues After LA Reclaims Worst Arena Title
As if a recent streak of losses for the Seahawks, Kraken and Huskies wasn’t painful enough, Seattle sports fans were reportedly devastated to discover...
Seattle Tech Giants Partner to Offer NFT Homes to Unhoused Community
In an unprecedented philanthropic partnership, Seattle leaders of tech giants Amazon, Microsoft, Meta and Google announced today they’ll be working together to offer NFT...
