‘Congress Is Trash,’ Says Man Whose Record of Voting Is Also Trash
Today the main federal legislative body of the longest-running democracy in the history of human civilization is reportedly complete and utter trash, according to...
City of Seattle Moves All Bus Stops to Queen Anne to Reduce Crime
After the 3rd and Pine bus stop closure single-handedly ended all signs of crime, drug addiction and homelessness in Downtown Seattle a month ago,...
Half-staff Flag Just Gonna Stay There a While
One local American flag announced today that it has decided it’s just gonna stick around at half-staff for a while.
“Frankly, I’m exhausted from running...
$54M Sound Transit Feasibility Study Concludes West Seattle Giant Hamster Ball and Trebuchet System Not Viable
Coming fast on the heels of a surprising study that revealed a public transit gondola between Downtown Seattle and West Seattle never made financial...
Pike Place Fish Market to Offer New Smoked Salmon Peeps for Easter
Just in time for Easter this next weekend, Pike Place Fish Market announced today it will be celebrating the holy holiday by selling local...
West Seattle Bridge Finally Enters Pupal Stage, Could Hatch By 2024
After more than two years of anticipation, today the Seattle Department of Transportation announced that the West Seattle Bridge has finally entered its pupal...
Couple Gives Up Firstborn to Fremont Troll in Exchange for Hamilton Tickets
With the cost of Hamilton tickets reaching upwards of $1,000, today one Seattle couple made final preparations to hand over their firstborn to the...
Macklemore Purchases Small Percentage of Seattle Kraken, Finally Receives Long-Awaited Minority Status
After years of hard work and purchasing a small percentage of the Seattle Kraken hockey team to become one of its minority owners, local...
PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror Face
After decades of scaring children and adults alike into thinking a haunted, evil villain’s headquarters plucked straight out of Gotham City was perched up...
Discovery of Ancient Temple of the Dog Liner Notes Could Serve as Rosetta’s Stone to Decipher Eddie Vedder Lyrics
Seattle’s music scene was abuzz today after the discovery of an ancient Temple of the Dog record with intact liner notes gave grunge scholars...
