With the cost of Hamilton tickets reaching upwards of $1,000, today one Seattle couple made final preparations to hand over their firstborn to the Fremont Troll with the promise of two Mezzanine seats at The Paramount in return.
“We originally were planning to offer my unvaccinated uncle to the Lenin statue, but it turns out he only had tickets to see Beauty and the Beast at the 5th Ave Theater,” said Janice Rigly. “I just want to be ‘in the room where it happened,’ if you know what I mean. When you see the picture of us standing next to the marquee after the show, you’ll get it.”
Hamilton has been touring nationally for over 6 years, but first-born offerings to the troll have seen a steady increase as ticket prices continue to skyrocket.
“Everyone deserves the opportunity to experience quality theater, especially this Lin-Manuel Miranda classic. It breaks my heart to see musical theater become so inaccessible to the working class,” said Fremont Troll as he dialed up local social workers to find better parents for the child. “Seeing how far some people will go to sell their souls re-energizes me with life for another hundred years, but seeing the Schuyler Sisters live is a memory that will last a lifetime.”
The Troll was delighted to share that he still has four Sunday matinee tickets available for the taking, but requested that, if possible, he would prefer tickets to see Julio Rodriguez debut at the Mariners home opener against the Astros on April 15.
