UW Cherry Blossoms Just Want to Ejaculate Pollen in Peace
In an unprecedented press conference today in The Quad, University of Washington cherry blossom trees announced all they want is to just ejaculate some...
Bainbridge Island Thinks It’s Probably Time for You to Leave
Although its local merchants certainly appreciate your business, Bainbridge Island thinks it might be time for you to start headin' home, multiple shopkeepers have...
Climate-Conscious Realtor Listing Waterfront Homes 2 Miles Inland
As the manmade climate disaster marches ever forward, one climate-conscious realtor is taking a proactive approach to the impending environmental apocalypse by listing waterfront...
1st Ave. S. Bridge Mocks West Seattleites Who Think They Left from Work Early Enough Today
Well known, biggest dickhead of all the local bridges, 1st Ave. South Drawbridge was recently overheard ridiculing the already downtrodden West Seattleites as they...
Sound Transit Escalator Not Broken, Just on Healing Journey
In a plea to promote mental health awareness in the region, the escalator that services University of Washington station spoke out today against the hordes...
Mariners, Seahawks, Kraken Congratulate Sounders on Winning Their ‘Little Jamboree’
Following the Seattle Sounders’ historic achievement as the first MLS team to win the Concacaf Champions League this week, representatives from the Seattle Mariners,...
‘Student Loan Debt is the Latest Casualty of the Cancel Culture Cabal,’ Tweets Man from Yacht
One local hero bravely stood up to the woke mob today when he courageously took a moment from drinking straight out of an $800...
NTK’s Old Campaign Website Crashes After Ann Davison Caught Refreshing Too Many Times for New Ideas
Former Abolitionist City Attorney candidate Nicole Thomas-Kennedy’s archived campaign website reportedly crashed last night after a usually conservative City Attorney Ann Davison tried refreshing...
Seattle Public Schools Replaces After-School Care Program with Amazon Lockers
Seattle Public Schools (SPS) announced today that they’re teaming up with Amazon to replace its after-school care programs with Amazon Lockers in order to...
New Seattle Police Department Hiring Bonus to Include $4M Taxpayer-funded Murder Settlement
Citing the need to quickly hire more police officers, today Seattle City Councilmember Sara Nelson proposed a new officer hiring incentive of a $4...
