Trickle-Down Economics’ Historic 40-Year Drought Definitely Ending Any Decade Now
As the trickle-down economics policy popularized by President Ronald Reagan enters its 41st year, local economic forecasters maintained that the theory’s historic drought—which has...
Starbucks Celebrates Women’s History Month by Releasing Mermaid Back into Puget Sound
In a bold and unexpected move for the global coffee empire, Starbucks celebrated Women’s History Month today by finally releasing its iconic mermaid mascot...
Earth Day Hero? This President Just Produced Enough Traffic Gridlock to Make the Entire PNW Go Carless
In what many are calling an Earth Day miracle and unprecedented feat of environmental sustainability, today President Joe Robinette Biden Jr.’s visits to Seattle...
New Drop-in Center for Unhoused Built Entirely from Stacks of Paperwork and Red Tape
Although there are no plans for expanding or expediting access to shelter for people living on Seattle’s streets, today Mayor Bruce Harrell announced the...
Russell Wilson Excited to Be 5,280 Feet Closer to God
While many 12s are still crestfallen about the departure of Russell Wilson, the pious quarterback said today at practice he is riding high now...
Opening Day Postponed After Mariner Moose Refuses to Leave Breeding Mound
The Seattle Mariners' Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has...
Wallingford Community Council Says No to Egg Hunts in Their Backyards
In a unanimous decision today, the Wallingford Community Council voted no on allowing egg hunts in any of their aspirational historic district’s backyards for...
Breaking: Ben Gibbard’s Hair Still Looks Like That
According to several witnesses who just strolled down Pine on Capitol Hill, it appears Death Cab for Cutie’s frontman Ben Gibbard is still cutting...
How to Cope with Your Local Police Department Being Defunded After It Was Never Defunded
There’s no doubt we’re living in dangerous times. And why? Pandemic? Putin? Unprecedented corporate profiteering? All of those are minor compared to the real...
Local Elected Judge Still Pretty Jazzed You Don’t Know Who the Hell They Are
As the country celebrated the historic confirmation of its first black woman to the U.S. Supreme Court, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, one local elected...
