Howard Schultz Enacts Anti-Union ‘Don’t Say Pay’ Policy at Starbucks
In an effort to curb a burgeoning unionization movement, today Starbucks Interim CEO Howard Schultz announced he’s instituting a “Don’t Say Pay” policy at...
KOMO News Wordle Just ‘CRIME’ Again
Word puzzle enthusiasts woke up this morning to discover that the daily KOMORDLE, the KOMO News version of the national sensation Wordle, was just...
Costco Unveils New Belltown Signature Brand for Small, Overpriced Merchandise
Local wholesaler Costco announced plans today to expand upon the success of its high-quality Kirkland Signature brand with a new Belltown Signature line of...
The Needling Issues Cease-and-Desist Orders to Local Real Fake News Copycats
Suddenly attacked today from every direction by rampant local real fake news copycats, this afternoon The Needling announced it had issued cease-and-desist orders to...
Portland Startup to Mine Artisanal Bitcoin Using Only Slide Rules and Graph Paper
A pair of Portland entrepreneurs say they’re bringing authenticity back to Bitcoin mining by eschewing purpose-built AntMiner S19 Pros in favor of hand-crafted hash...
Pete Carroll Assures Fans He Sucked All Heart, Joy, and Ability Out of Russell Wilson Before Trade
Still smarting from the loss of one of the best players the franchise has ever had, today Seahawks Pete Carroll assured Seattle football fans...
Portage Bay Café Brunch Committee Bans Local Woman for Ordering Plain Waffle
The Portage Bay Café Brunch Committee handed down an official decision today to ban local woman Megan Thompson from weekend brunches permanently after finding...
Climate Catastrophe? This Skinny Glacier Looks AMAZING
While experts disagree on the exact date a climate Armageddon will inevitably crush most life on the planet, climate scientists are unanimous in their...
KOMO Special Report: Psst, Hey You Wanna See a Dead Body?
Desperate to distract from former KOMO journalist Jonathan Choe’s Proud Boys puff piece, KOMO News announced today it would be getting back to its...
Local Seattle Native Fondly Recalls When Unicorns Once Frolicked Along Third Avenue
Although the pummeled rubble of Downtown Seattle today is virtually indistinguishable from that of bombed-out World War II London, one local Seattle native says...
