Squatch Added to All-Star Zoo Doo Donor Line-up
Supersonics fans throughout the Seattle area rejoiced today upon hearing legendary basketball team mascot Squatch has been added to the Woodland Park Zoo’s prestigious...
Experts Warn of Toxic Algae Ghosting After Giving You Weird Rash
With another warm weekend on tap, experts are cautioning people against having one last summertime fling in local lakes filled with toxic algae that...
Report: Idiot from Seattle Can’t Even Pronounce ‘Puyallup’
State education officials are reeling today following the release of a report indicating one Seattle simpleton could not even pronounce the city name of...
New Seattle Transportation Director from LA Immediately Rebrands I-5 to “The 5”
In his first move since Mayor Bruce Harrell poached him from the City of Los Angeles last week, new director of Seattle Department of...
‘My Partner Lives in Angle Lake,’ Says Person Who Definitely Does Not Have Partner
Seattle resident Becca Burns is accused of lying today after telling friends and family that her new smart and hot partner resides in Angle...
Ichiro Hits Own Ceremonial First Pitch for Leadoff Double
Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting...
Lake City Pot Shops and Strip Clubs Band Together to Oppose Yarn Store Opening
Signs reading “Put down the needles” and “Protect our neighborhood character” have sprouted up in the windows of businesses along Lake City Way as...
Ferry Runs Aground After Seafair Pirates Force Captain to Walk the Plank
A state ferry sustained heavy damage and ran aground in West Seattle today after the beloved Seafair Pirates commandeered the ferry and forced the...
Quiet Quitting Run Amok? This Woman Didn’t Think About Work for 9 Entire Minutes
Confirming local business managers’ worst fears that Gen Z and millennial workers would take this new quiet quitting TikTok trend too far, several witnesses...
Male Feminist of the Year? This Man Went to a Seattle Storm Game in a Sonics Jersey
The Ms. Magazine newsroom was abuzz today upon hearing that local basketball fan and male feminist Colin Riley attended a WNBA Seattle Storm game...
