Local 57-Year-Old Still Enjoying ‘Young Adult’ Status at Church
While some bemoan the dwindling numbers of faithful Christian followers at churches all across the Pacific Northwest, local 57-year-old churchgoer Sarah Bostwick says she’s...
Axe Throwing Bar with Liquor License Honestly Expected at Least One Maiming by Now
Though overjoyed that the Washington state legislature recently finally allowed all axe-throwing bars to apply for liquor licenses, the owner of Capitol Hill’s Blade...
Macklemore’s Designer Clothing Shop Turns Away Customer with Only $20 In His Pocket
Today the brick-and-mortar location of Macklemore’s designer golfing clothes brand at University Village, Bogey Boys, threw out a man who allegedly popped all of...
Dan Price Offering Everyone in America $70k to Forget All About This
In an unprecedented gesture of generosity—the likes of which the capitalist establishment has never seen—local former CEO Dan Price announced today he’s offering every...
Amazon Delivery Drone Swoops Down to Carry Roomba Back to Nest
Amazon’s Prime Day trial run of their new delivery drones this week reportedly still has a few bugs to work out after several of...
Bremerton High School Football Coach Swaps Gatorade Cooler with Communion Wine
Emboldened by the Supreme Court’s recent decision that finally allows him to lead group prayers at public school football games on the 50-yard-line, Bremerton...
Starbucks to Close All Seattle Locations Due to High Rate of Crimes Against Coffee
Citing years of complaints about its high rates of crime against coffee beans, Starbucks announced today that this month they will be closing all...
Mayor Harrell Prepares Expansion of Ballard Locks to Accommodate Jeff Bezos’ Imperial Star Destroyer Yacht
Just days after The Netherlands officially rejected Jeff Bezos’ request to dismantle a historic Rotterdam bridge to make way for one of his superyachts,...
Neighbor Apparently Pretty Jazzed About 5th, 6th and 7th of July Too
Demonstrating a zest for life and/or explosions unbeknownst to most humans—many of whom could hardly even muster enough enthusiasm for the Fourth of July...
Downtown Seattle Business Area Renamed ‘South Lake Anti-Union’
In an unprecedented yet completely foreseeable effort to revitalize Downtown Seattle and the American economy along with it, today a group of compassionate local...
