As the struggling Seattle Mariners find themselves an indomitable thirty-one games out of first place, Mariners skipper Scott Servais made the unique call last night to just leave a local fan out on the mound following his ceremonial first pitch.

“Light ‘em up,” Servais reportedly muttered, handing the ball to retired Lynnwood firefighter Frank Thompson before walking back to the dugout.

“Thompson only gave up four runs, got his stuff up into the mid to high 50’s, had good movement on his change-up before it cratered into the dirt and dribbled across the plate,” Servais said in a post-game press conference. “Not a bad first outing – in fact, I don’t even see this guy headed to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch anytime soon.” 

Thompson also walked eight batters, including three hit by pitch, before being pulled to save his golden arm for Sunday.

Following the retired firefighter’s first major league outing, General Manager Jerry Dipoto quickly hopped on the phone and traded Thompson to the Tacoma Fire Department for two prospects and cash considerations.

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