‘COVID Ruined My Social Skills,’ Says Man Who Never Had Them to Begin With
At a weekend gathering of friends, local resident Eli Weber was reportedly quick to blame his complete lack of tact, grace and general unpleasantness in any sort of group gathering on COVID despite having...
Gum Wall Begins to Disappear as Vaccinated Residents Think ‘Sure, What the Hell’
Post Alley has transformed into a scene straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today as vaccinated adults ravage the once-beloved landmark, nibbling on gum that has lived on the wall since the...
Puddle of Sunblock All That Remains of Seattleite Who Hit 80-Degree Melting Point
After taking what seemed an innocent stroll down the sunny Seattle waterfront, several witnesses say a puddle of sunblock is all that remains today of a Seattleite who dared to hit their 80-degree melting...
Local Woman Just So Relieved Racism Is Solved Again
After watching a fairy-tale inauguration ceremony for President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris while basking in the beginning of a new era for the United States, local woman Carol Keening said she’s...
CEO Assures MLK Would Have Wanted You to Work Today
In and inspiring e-mail to staff who mandatorily worked on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, CEO of local tech firm HustleCorps assured his employees that MLK would have wanted you at work today.
“I just...
Sight of Smoldering Mount Rainier Fazes No One
As Seattle couples, joggers and children took a break from 2020 news cycles and indoor quarantining to enjoy a crisp yet sunny fall afternoon today, plumes of volcanic ash billowing out of Mount Rainier...
Patreon Online Real Fake Newsroom Workshop Discount
Want to be a real fake news (satire) reporter too? Join The Needling’s virtual/online 3-week real fake newsroom workshop!
Dates: Next workshop TBA
Time: 6:30—8 p.m. Pacific
Location: Live Online/Virtual Workshop
Who: You and a small class...
Uber Eats Driver Frantically Delivering 15k Crab Cakes for Virtual Bite of Seattle
Following its announcement that it would go virtual this year, the annual Bite of Seattle has called upon a lone Uber Eats driver to frantically deliver a festival's worth of crab cakes to satisfy...
Seattle Wishes Retiring Steve Pool Well As He Flicks Off Weather Control Device for Last Time
Steve Pool, weather reporter and one of Seattle’s most beloved figures, retired today after 40 years of service. As he left the office, Steve sheepishly admitted that he hadn’t been able to switch off...
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