Seahawks Sideline Reporter Lost In DK Metcalf’s Pecs — Eyes! Eyes
Social media was set ablaze today as an NFL sideline reporter was caught absently staring into the chest of DK Metcalf, the hulking rookie...
Seattle Mariners Just Gonna Let Fan Throw Out Ceremonial First Inning, Too
As the struggling Seattle Mariners find themselves an indomitable
thirty-one games out of first place, Mariners skipper Scott Servais made the
unique call last night to...
New Data Suggests Mariners Relievers Now Make Up 23% of Great Pacific Garbage Patch
In a joint effort between the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, The Ocean Cleanup, and Major League Baseball, researchers have discovered that nearly a quarter...
“The Women’s World Cup Is a Joke” Says Man Who Hasn’t Seen Own Penis Since ‘97
Local sports fan Bart Thompson, whose general state of being could best be classified as a man-made environmental disaster, decided today to belittle the...
Local Man Exits 12-Year Coma, Asks How Sonics Are Doing
Swedish Medical Center – Local man Michael Ridersen, 53, miraculously woke from a 12-year coma Monday morning feeling so alert that, upon learning it...
Op-ed: Sounders Jerseys Now Feature Zulily Logo, Which is Totally Fine
I attended my first Sounders match of the season last week with a friend and noticed the front of the Sounders’ jersey now prominently...
Seattle Forced to Drive Portland to Soccer Practice
After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a...
Woodland Park Zoo Announces Spring Yoga with Motherfucking Tigers
It’s time to throw your tired, pedantic yoga instructor in the fucking dumpster and strap on your finest Lululemons because the motherfucking Woodland Park...
Howard Schultz Promises to Move Nation’s Capital to Oklahoma City if Elected President
As Howard Schultz continues to promote an independent presidential bid, the former Starbucks CEO is already promising to get the nation’s Capitol out of the...
Area Bicyclist Has Opinions on Fairweather Bicyclists
West Seattle resident Brian Simmons, who bikes to downtown Seattle and back every day rain or shine, reportedly has opinions about fair-weather bicyclists.
“You know...
