Woman Handed Copy of White Fragility Instantly Shatters
A neighborhood is in shock tonight after witnessing a White Ballard woman instantly fall to literal pieces when a neighbor suddenly handed her a...
State Approved to Enter Phase Fuck It
After almost four months of stay-at-home orders amid this year’s deadly coronavirus pandemic, local residents say Washington State has finally been approved for Phase...
Fremont Solstice Partners with Peloton for Naked Exercise Bike Ride
Seattle’s famed Fremont Solstice Parade held this year’s naked, at-home bike ride in partnership with popular exercise bike company Peloton today, a move that...
Spring Cleaning Put Off Until Next World-Halting Pandemic
The build-up to a local man’s much-anticipated goal of spring cleaning his home climaxed today with the sobering realization that there now isn’t enough...
Seafair Unfortunately Still on for 2021
This year’s Seafair festival has been officially cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it’s not all good news: The Seafair foundation does not...
Joe Biden Endorsement Mumbled Under Breath
As August’s Democratic National Convention draws near, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has secured another important endorsement today from a local representative who took...
Trump Warns Seattle Protesters Just Lucky His Nunchucks Busted or They’d Be in Big Trouble
President Donald Trump took a momentary pause from cowering in his bunker today to issue a stern message to Seattle's Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone...
Mayor Durkan Assures No Tear Gas Deployed, Only Sparkling Nose Irritants
A mere 24 hours after Mayor Jenny Durkan declared a 30-day ban on the use of tear gas, the Mayor’s Office assured the people...
Officer Teddy Recalled Due to Choking Hazard
After a string of violent incidents against unarmed consumers, popular plush toy Officer Teddy has been recalled due to the extreme choking hazard he...
Ben & Jerry’s Debut New ‘A.C.A.B. Cookie Crunch’
Following a powerful press release declaring "We must dismantle white supremacy," popular ice cream producers Ben & Jerry’s have released a new flavor, consisting...
