Pin Falling Violently Out of Woman’s Hair Declared Riot by SPD Incident Commander
Another day of peaceful protesting against police brutality unfortunately broke into a riot today, says Seattle Police Department Incident Commander Covered Badge, when a...
In Show of Solidarity, Mayor Durkan Pledges $20M to Seattle Police Department
After a tumultuous weekend of several Seattle police using excessive force on both peaceful protesters and looters, Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan sought to bring...
Looter Returns Clothes After Realizing They’re From Old Navy
One man’s victorious high from looting a Downtown Seattle business during Saturday’s protests came to an abrupt end this morning when he realized all...
Police Nationwide Debut New Mascot, Malfie the Conveniently Malfunctioning Body Camera
Police departments nationwide announced today that everyone now has something better to focus on than the countless and inexcusable murders their most heartless officers...
GOP Considers Allowing Women to Vote by Male
Although national Republican leadership are against expanding vote-by-mail access that could reduce virus transmission while increasing participation in this November’s presidential election, all announced...
‘Not All Who Wander Are Lost,’ Posts Quarantined Travel Blogger On Awe-Inspiring Trip to Dumpster
Needling travel correspondent Vegan Vagabond is back with a special dispatch from her Capitol Hill apartment complex.
By Vegan Vagabond
The moment the heavy, modern doors...
Local Couple Now Speaks Entirely in Gibberish Following Prolonged Quarantine with Baby, Pet Dog
The prolonged quarantine has reportedly taken its toll on local Green Lake couple Tom and Megan Kinsdale as their constant isolation with only their...
11 a.m. Door Slam, Dog Bark Right on Schedule
Local furloughed employee Adam Wyland confirmed once again upon waking this morning that while most of his life seems especially uncertain during the pandemic,...
Sammamish River Trail Bicyclist Just In It for the Ring-a-Ding-Ding
After several consecutive days of overzealous bike-bell ringing at strangers walking along the Sammamish River Trail, Redmond bicyclist Dean Higgins admitted that his avid...
Cougar Mountain Summer Retreat Cancellation Wreaks Havoc Among Bellevue Housewives
The COVID-19 pandemic has claimed yet another beloved, annual tradition—the Cougar Mountain Summer Retreat—leaving housewives across Bellevue devastated in its wake.
Cancellation of the long-awaited...
