Mysterious Health Condition Prevents Customer from Using Mask, Brain
A local Safeway customer assured essential workers and shoppers this afternoon that the only reason she wasn’t wearing a mask is a health condition...
EU Countries Banning Travel from U.S. Unsure Why They Didn’t Do This Years Ago
Brussels – Two weeks after it decided to extend its ban on U.S. travelers, the European Union announced today that its cobblestone streets have...
WTA Unveils Rattlesnake Ledge FastPass
The Washington Trails Association surprised hikers crowding the trailhead of the Rattlesnake Ledge today with its new crowd-management tool, a Disney-sponsored FastPass system.
“It’s always...
Progress: Amazon Announces Recyclable Pink Slips for Union Workers
Following increased public pressure to walk its talk on the fight against climate change, today Amazon unveiled a “Clean Leave” policy today that promises...
Parents of Returning College Student Rush to Convert Sex Playroom Back to Childhood Bedroom
Issaquah parents of a Gonzaga junior experienced one of the most harrowing days of their lives today when they suddenly learned they had less...
Tulalip Casino Thrilled to Offer Gambling of Life
After spring closures due the COVID-19 pandemic, the reopened Tulalip Resort Casino announced today that this summer’s guests can now look forward to risking...
Man Utterly Traumatized by 2020 Just Gonna Pick Up ThunderShirt for Self Too
While picking up an anxiety-reducing ThunderShirt for his dog ahead of tonight’s neighborhood firework displays, a local man utterly traumatized by 2020 decided he...
Police Union Demands Everyone Treat Them as Hot, Likable as Firefighters
In an afternoon press conference, Seattle Police Union President Mike Solan said his force will no longer stand for the “unfair and inequitable” worship...
Dan Savage, Fremont Troll Top List of 10 Best Seattle Celebrities on Cameo
As people increasingly dump zoom calls with grandma for Cameo, a website where users pay celebrities to send them personalized video messages, a few...
Local Micromanager Can’t Wait to Hover Over Your Cubicle Again
Despite months of working so far away from each other, local office project manager Steve Hobbs says he can’t wait to hover over your...
