Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left...
Wow! This Rare Arctic Snowy Owl Would Really Appreciate You Putting the Binoculars Down, Creep
A rare Arctic snowy owl roosting on a Queen Anne rooftop has been wowing local birdwatchers with her delicate white feathers, long wings and...
Gingerbread House Construction Delayed by Building Permit Backlog
Aspiring
gingerbread homeowner Hunter Franz, age 6, was devastated today when Mom of the
House confirmed that his custom-built vision would likely not get building
permits until...
‘The Virus is a Hoax,’ Says Local Saint Giving You Place in Line for Life-Saving Vaccination
As Seattle’s first round of COVID-19 vaccination shots arrived today, local good Samaritan and conspiracy theorist Doug Fenley proudly announced that he would kindly...
BREAKING: Supreme Court Rejects Trump Effort to Unseal File Revealing Hamburglar’s Identity
In a damning blow to the Trump administration, the Supreme Court has rejected the president’s last desperate plea to unseal corporate McDonald’s documents containing...
Four Horsemen of Apocalypse Delayed by Maze of One-Way Downtown Streets
KOMO is now reporting that the complete and utter destruction of Emerald City has been delayed indefinitely as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...
Durkan: Why Next Year’s Rainbow-Colored Tear Gas Extravaganza Will Be My Last
By Mayor Jenny Durkan
After a difficult year of handling some of the worst crises the city of Seattle has had to face in modern...
Rover Announces New Walking Service for Quarantined Shut-ins
Seattle dog walking service Rover has today announced it will be expanding its services to provide daily socially distanced walks to attention-starved quarantine shut-ins...
Third Round of Refrigerator Grazing Officially Counts as Dinner
In a landmark study conducted by the University of Washington, scientists
have finally concluded that your third round of refrigerator grazing officially
counts as dinner.
“We conducted...
Scientists Confirm Thanksgiving Gatherings Only Safe If Everyone There Voted for Biden
Liberal families across the country rejoiced today as CDC scientists confirmed that inviting friends and family over for Thanksgiving during a pandemic is totally...
