SDOT Admits It Always Thought ‘Vision Zero’ was About Getting to Zero Pedestrians
In an embarrassing and humbling admission, today the Seattle Department of Transportation confessed that for years they thought its “Vision Zero” goal had always...
Report: Rainbows Really Gonna Have to Level It the Fuck Up
A report released today after a thorough overnight research study of Aurora Borealis confirmed that rainbows are in fact going to need to level...
Local Deer Gonna Treat Self to Fanciful Little Frolic on Dimly Lit Road
In a heartwarming act of self-care, one local deer decided it was going to de-stress today by treating itself to a jaunty little stroll...
Boeing Relieved UW Protesters Just Mad About Israel Stuff
Amid louder calls for the University of Washington to completely divest from them, Boeing expressed relief that UW protesters at the Board of Regents...
Man Achieves Nuclear Fusion Breakthrough With Extra 5 Minutes Boss ‘Gave Back’ to Him After Meeting Ended Early
A stunning scientific milestone was achieved today after a Seattle-based graphic designer achieved stable nuclear fusion generation with the extra time their boss "gave...
Congress Rushes to Draft Emergency Legislation on Israel-Palestine War to Ban Macklemore
Afraid support for Israel’s relentless assaults on Palestine could further wane without taking quick action, Congress is reportedly rushing to draft bipartisan emergency legislation...
Cat on Leash as Weirded Out by This as You Are
Following a jaunt around Green Lake, local cat Meowntgomery Sinclair confirmed that they were just as weirded out about being seen on a leash...
Seattle Public Transit Fan Forced to Act Like They Wish Light Rail Already Connected to Bellevue
As Sound Transit prepares to open the East Link light rail line in Bellevue and Redmond this weekend without a direct connection to Seattle...
Tech Employee Also Excited to Learn What He Does During Take Your Child to Work Day
After years of his daughter asking what he does all day at work, today local tech employee and father Mike Larson said he was...
Heartbreaking: Boeing Layoffs Hit Whistleblower Assassin Department
After a disastrous financial quarter that saw a $355 million loss, today Boeing announced that its latest round of cost-saving layoffs would affect hundreds...
