Lincoln Park Wildlife Was Actually Really Looking Forward to Those Pickleball Courts
After a group of West Seattleites recently won their months-long battle to keep Seattle Parks from constructing new pickleball courts in Lincoln Park because...
Pearl Jam Album Played Backwards Contains English Language
While searching for subliminal satanic commands, a young Spokane teenager was surprised to instead find discernible English words when playing Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter...
Only Uncoupled Sibling on Family Vacation Asked If They Mind Sleeping in Pantry
In a turn of events that surprised no one except himself, local son William Briggs was politely asked by his parents during their annual...
Pacific Place Mall Offered Up on Buy Nothing Group
After a series of unsuccessful listings elsewhere, today struggling local mall Pacific Place was spotted for offer on the Buy Nothing Downtown Seattle Facebook...
Bing Still Pretty Sure Millions of Former Google Search Engine Users Should Be Showing Up Any Time Now
After Google’s launch of its laughably inaccurate AI Overviews went so badly last week that users began checking out other search engines for the...
Bellingham Changes Name to West Moses Lake in Hail Mary Attempt to Deter Transplants
Citing a drastic need to discourage transplants, Bellingham has officially changed its name to West Moses Lake in a last-ditch effort to further deter...
Area Reader Can’t Shut the Fuck Up About Silent Book Club
According to several friends, relatives and acquaintances, longtime area reader Allison Fentworth reportedly cannot shut the fuck up about her silent book club.
“Apparently, it’s...
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships by Becoming May Queen at Ballard’s Syttende Mai
There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as...
Boss Celebrates Bike-to-Work Day by Giving Whole Office View of His Junk Jangling in Bike Shorts
As a special Bike-to-Work Day treat, this morning one local boss treated his entire Fremont office to a festive view of his junk jangling...
City Council Defunds Police Again with 23% Retroactive Raise That Only Goes to 2021, Not 1851
The Seattle Police Department was once again defunded today when the Seattle City Council approved a new union contract that only secured officers six-figure...
