White Man in Uwajimaya Saves Day With Kewpie Mayo Recommendation
Today a helpless woman who looked like she had no idea what she was doing in the exotic aisles of Uwajimaya, Seattle’s best Asian...
Seattle Man Tragically Lured by Progressive Housing Policies into Spokane
Friends and family of once local Seattle man Jason Smith are reporting that he has been tragically lured all the way out to Spokane...
Semi Bird Continues to Not Be Sue Bird
Despite their best efforts, several frustrated Washington state voters are reporting the unfortunate news that Republican gubernatorial candidate Semi Bird continues to not be...
REI Reports Record Sales of Affordable Housing
After years of struggling to survive stiff competition from online competitors, today REI said things were finally turning around for the company as it...
God Celebrates Joint Earth Day and Passover by Sending New Plague to Save the Planet
To celebrate the rare combination of Earth Day and the first night of Passover happening on the same day, today God announced he’d be...
Eldest Daughter Expecting Full Mother’s Day Brunch for National Siblings Day Disappointed Again
Eldest daughters nationwide awoke today expecting to smell the sweet scent of fresh cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs of a full Mother’s Day Brunch...
Amazon Ends ‘Just Walk Out’ Shopping, Announces ‘Just Walk Out’ Layoffs
After Amazon announced last week that they are ending use of its “Just Walk Out” checkout-free shopping at its grocery stores, today the retail...
SPD to Receive 23% Retroactive Raise, or 4% for Every Officer Present on January 6th
The tentative Seattle Police Officers’ Guild contract released this week includes a 23% retroactive wage bump that was calculated by increasing their wage almost...
Overpopulated Tech Bros Airlifted and Relocated to Olympic Peninsula
With mating season just around the corner, Seattle Parks and Recreation has already gotten to work on relocating the city’s overpopulated herds of tech...
Film Fanatic Cousin Ruins Holiday Telling Everyone Where All the Easter Eggs Are
Today a local holiday family gathering was completely upended when a film fanatic cousin couldn’t stop telling everyone where all the Easter eggs were.
“You...
