Capitol Hill Station Finally Opens Public Bathroom
After years of popular demand, today Sound Transit finally opened a public bathroom at its Capitol Hill light rail station located just above its...
Novo Nordisk Unveils New, Stronger Ozempic for Your Mom
Just in time for the holidays, today Novo Nordisk announced a new, stronger Ozempic prescription for that beached whale you call Your Mom.
"We needed...
Group of Mountain Climbers Dies on Mountain Everyone Dies On
Today search and rescue teams tragically confirmed that an entire group of mountain climbers died on the mountain everyone dies on.
“They were so excited...
Family Finds Little Free Library Under Their Eaves
Today a Wedgwood household discovered the source of several recent book attacks was a little free library that had sprouted on the underside of...
Pardoned Turkey Still Seeking Pardon from Hanging Out with Trump
Several hours after President Donald Trump pardoned a turkey Tuesday morning, the turkey is reportedly still waiting for Trump to stop wanting to hang...
Wilson Already Endorsed for 2nd Term After Promising Death Will Come Swiftly to Her Enemies
Katie Wilson proudly announced Wednesday night that, in addition to officially being elected Seattle’s next mayor, she’s also already secured unanimous endorsements from local...
Harrell to Spend More Time with Most of His Family
After a torturous, week-long vote count that ultimately resulted in him losing a second term as mayor of Seattle to progressive Katie Wilson today,...
Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters
In perhaps his greatest move of desperation for his mayoral campaign yet, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell boarded his first bus ride ever to...
Man Who Got First Red Cup with First Starbucks On It Actually Got Second
Controversy erupted online today when it was discovered a man claiming to have received this year’s first holiday red cup with an illustration of...
CEO Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Brian “Darth” Niccol has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
