Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native
In a moving show of respect, sacrifice, and deference, today local white man Don Pudd honored Indigenous Peoples' Day by successfully taking an entire...
Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Clogs Gorge to Remind Cal Raleigh Who the Real Big Dumper Is
Jealous of the attention homerun record-breaking Mariners player “Big Dumper” Cal Raleigh has gotten lately, today the Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus clogged the...
Ballard Locks Apologizes for Inviting Community to ‘Come for Locktober’
The Ballard Locks issued an official apology today for a social media post inviting the community to come and celebrate "Locktober" with them this...
Dad Concerned About The Big One Wants You to Move Back to Tornado Alley
Sources are reporting that your dad—who currently lives in an area where severe weather events put trees into the side of buildings and then...
Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise
An entire day before the first official day of autumn, the Pacific Northwest’s most cinnamon-popping, gourd-decorating fall bitches are reportedly already smiling at the...
World Mental Health Day Pushed Down and Ignored
In yet another major win for the emotionally checked-out, advocates’ efforts to spread awareness of resources for today’s World Mental Health Day were once...
Couple That Doesn’t Trust Vaccines Does Trust Carnival Rides
While they remained skeptical of vaccines that have been studied and heavily regulated for years after being created by teams of scientists and doctors...
Office Workers Secretly Waiting for Landing Seaplane to Decapitate Paddleboarder
A recent poll of Westlake office workers revealed that an astonishing 87% of employees secretly hope that a landing seaplane will accidentally decapitate a...
Unemployed Man Discovers End of LinkedIn
After applying to more than 300 jobs over the last six months, it’s being reported that graphic designer Garret Keyson has finally found the...
Seattle Renounces Atheism Forever After Witnessing Resurrection of St. Rat
Long known as the most godless city in America, this week Seattle suddenly renounced atheism forever after witnessing the miraculous resurrection of St. Rat.
“I...
