Dad Concerned About The Big One Wants You to Move Back to Tornado Alley
Sources are reporting that your dad—who currently lives in an area where severe weather events put trees into the side of buildings and then...
Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise
An entire day before the first official day of autumn, the Pacific Northwest’s most cinnamon-popping, gourd-decorating fall bitches are reportedly already smiling at the...
World Mental Health Day Pushed Down and Ignored
In yet another major win for the emotionally checked-out, advocates’ efforts to spread awareness of resources for today’s World Mental Health Day were once...
Couple That Doesn’t Trust Vaccines Does Trust Carnival Rides
While they remained skeptical of vaccines that have been studied and heavily regulated for years after being created by teams of scientists and doctors...
Office Workers Secretly Waiting for Landing Seaplane to Decapitate Paddleboarder
A recent poll of Westlake office workers revealed that an astonishing 87% of employees secretly hope that a landing seaplane will accidentally decapitate a...
Unemployed Man Discovers End of LinkedIn
After applying to more than 300 jobs over the last six months, it’s being reported that graphic designer Garret Keyson has finally found the...
Seattle Renounces Atheism Forever After Witnessing Resurrection of St. Rat
Long known as the most godless city in America, this week Seattle suddenly renounced atheism forever after witnessing the miraculous resurrection of St. Rat.
“I...
Orca Sick of Being Watched for Free Launches OnlyFins Account
This week a local J-Pod orca tired of complaining about how many people keep staring and watching his every move decided to monetize his...
Fremont Bridge Gets Laser Troll Removal
Seattle residents were stopped dead in their tracks this afternoon as the Fremont Bridge debuted a new summer look that features a complete laser...
Ballard Farmers Market Now Provided for Ambiance Only
This week the Ballard Farmers Market officially transitioned to a “vibes only” model with all the same artisan chowders, moffett berry jams, and soy-free...
