Orca Sick of Being Watched for Free Launches OnlyFins Account
This week a local J-Pod orca tired of complaining about how many people keep staring and watching his every move decided to monetize his...
Fremont Bridge Gets Laser Troll Removal
Seattle residents were stopped dead in their tracks this afternoon as the Fremont Bridge debuted a new summer look that features a complete laser...
Ballard Farmers Market Now Provided for Ambiance Only
This week the Ballard Farmers Market officially transitioned to a “vibes only” model with all the same artisan chowders, moffett berry jams, and soy-free...
Sexual Tension Builds Between the Two Guys in the Microsoft Teams Logo
After years of working closely together, sources are reporting that a steamy romance has developed between the two guys in the Microsoft Teams logo.
“From...
Man Still Spelling It ‘Capital Hill’ Somehow Finds His Way to Capitol Hill Block Party
The Seattle community is celebrating the achievement of one man who—despite still calling it “Capital Hill” a full 36 years into life—somehow miraculously figured...
Capitol Hill Residents Low-Key Excited to Complain About Block Party
The Capitol Hill Block Party is this weekend and the gayborhood is low-key buzzing with excitement about how they’ll complain about it this year.
“Last...
Summer Recipes for Boiling Alive in Your A/C-less Apartment
With blistering summer days ahead, The Needling Test Kitchen compiled their favorite recipes for slowly roasting in your scalding hot apartment.Sweat-Braised Renter with Rainier...
Seattleites Enjoy Perfect First Day of Summer
Cozy in their knit turtleneck sweaters while sipping a warm mug safe from the cloudy cold outside, Seattleites across the city said the weather...
Lawn Care Daddy Edges Grass to Perfection
Neighbors are reporting that early this morning they heard local lawn care daddy Terry Winchel yet again edge his grass to perfection.
“It seems like...
‘Seattle Weather Really Not That Bad,’ Says Man Who Moved Here 4 Weeks Ago
Contrary to previous speculation, Seattle weather is
surprisingly quite pleasant, reports newly minted Seattle meteorological expert
Scott Caprelli, who moved to town from LA exactly four...
