Area Raccoons Request Halloween Pumpkins Be Put Out Early
Local raccoons came together today to formally request that the public fully give into their autumnal urges this weekend and put out Halloween pumpkins...
Jimmy Kimmel Actually Still More Pissed Seattle Radio Station Fired Him Over Joke About Mariners Owner in 1990
As support poured in for Jimmy Kimmel after ABC indefinitely pulled his late-night show off-air, the comedian admitted in an exclusive interview with The...
Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse
As a thick blanket of rain descends on the greater Seattle area for every foreseeable day in the local weather forecast, The Needling’s intrepid...
Seattle Fire Rescues Eddie Vedder Stuck in Tree
One local Eddie Vedder is safe and sound tonight after Seattle Fire rescued them from a high tree branch they somehow climbed up and...
Sasquatch Finds Himself
The hunt is over: After decades of soul-searching, Sasquatch has found himself.Cryptozoologists have been looking for Bigfoot for over a hundred years, but none...
Festive Local Man Already Putting Out Winter Depression Decorations
Too excited to wait on getting in the spirit of his favorite part of rainy season, festive local man Daniel Langley admitted today he’s...
‘Find Him, Fix Him’ App Helps Seattle Men Who Need Therapy Find Women Who Should Know Better
Expanding on the popularity of the city’s “Find It, Fix It” app that sends city crews to fix problems citizens spot and report, today...
Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native
In a moving show of respect, sacrifice, and deference, today local white man Don Pudd honored Indigenous Peoples' Day by successfully taking an entire...
Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Clogs Gorge to Remind Cal Raleigh Who the Real Big Dumper Is
Jealous of the attention homerun record-breaking Mariners player “Big Dumper” Cal Raleigh has gotten lately, today the Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus clogged the...
Ballard Locks Apologizes for Inviting Community to ‘Come for Locktober’
The Ballard Locks issued an official apology today for a social media post inviting the community to come and celebrate "Locktober" with them this...
