Quiz: Is That a Weird Barbie Costume or Just a Seattle Woman?
Watch out! Before you compliment someone on their amazing “Weird Barbie” costume, make sure they aren’t just a regular Seattle woman wearing an outfit...
Report: Only People with PhD in Middle Eastern Studies Allowed to Stop Genocide
A report released today by self-described real experts on the Middle East concluded that you’re gonna need a literal PhD in Middle Eastern Studies...
Text Alert: 1 Line On Time But Wanted To Check In Because They’ve Been Thinking About You A Lot Lately
With the 1 Line under construction for nearly a month, Sound Transit light rail riders are receiving constant texts about delays and mechanical issues....
Julio Rodriguez Disappointed to Learn He Can’t Bring Home Run Trident on Roller Coaster
Mariners All-Star Julio Rodriguez was reportedly disappointed today when he was turned away from a Washington State Fair roller coaster after being told he...
Blood-soaked Mansion with Loose Murderer Inside Still Going for $900k on Zillow
Despite home prices reportedly going down after a housing market surge in which many million-dollar homes were bought with cash offers, one blood-soaked Seattle...
Host at Buca Di Beppo Isn’t Actually Happy to Seat You Now
Tonight the host who has a table ready for your family to celebrate your grandma’s 79th birthday is reporting that, for the record, he’s...
Cool! New Trolls in West Seattle, Bainbridge and Issaquah Already Understand Fremont Troll Will Never Be Visiting Them
After a few tense and awkward weeks of wondering how much new trolls moving into areas outside Seattle proper were going to expect a...
Environmental Disaster Declared After Defunct Theo Chocolate Factory Dumps Gallons of Crude Cocoa Into Fremont Cut
Following the closing of the beloved Theo Chocolate Factory last week, an environmental disaster was officially declared today after the chocolate containment was breached,...
Brave! Local Woman Says Murdering Children Is Bad
Today one local woman courageously spoke out on social media to announce her controversial political stance that slaughtering children is bad.
“I know I’m probably...
‘There Is No Justification for Terrorism,’ Says Man Justifying Genocide
Today it was bravely declared that there is no justification for terrorism—no history or circumstances past, present, or future—by a man justifying the far...
