Local Homeowner Demands Veterans Day Recognition for Living in “Ballard War Zone”
Today local homeowner Terry Wilson made it clear that he demands proper recognition as an American veteran for his years of living through the...
Election Officials Add Ballot Drop on Mailbox Peak for Voters Who Really Want to Show Off
Ballot return rates spiked this week after King County Election officials recently added a new ballot drop-box to the top of Mailbox Peak for...
Dog Waiting for Mealtime Didn’t Sign Up For This Daylight Savings Bullshit
After mealtimes started suddenly being withheld from dogs across the city for what some canines are calling an eternity this weekend, one local pup...
Florida Man Arrested for Stealing Pitbull’s Identity
After a months-long pursuit, today a Florida man was arrested in Miami for committing an alleged identity fraud of beloved Cuban-American rapper Pitbull.
“When we...
Land Acknowledgment at Chihuly Garden & Glass Somehow Still About How Amazing Dale Chihuly Is
A little more than a decade after Chihuly Garden & Glass outmaneuvered a proposal for a Northwest Native Cultural Center at Seattle Center, today...
Leaf Blower Gangs Clash in Major Blowout at 10th and Union
Capitol Hill residents jolted awake this morning to the unmistakable sound of rival leaf blower gangs furiously blowing leaves and trash back and forth...
After Courageous 3-year Battle with Right-Wing Media, Seattle Dead at Age 172
Today—after waging a courageous, three-year battle against right-wing media determined to make “Seattle Is Dying” reality—Seattle officially died at the tender age of 172.
“She...
Awestruck Man Riding Great Wheel Could See House From Here If He Could Afford One
One awestruck man enjoying the view from the Great Wheel today exclaimed that he could probably see his house from all the way up...
Witch’s Curse Dooms Man to Pick Wrong Line at Dick’s for Eternity
After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose...
Slutty Ron DeSantis Costumes Sell Out in Eastern Washington
Today the last Slutty Ron DeSantis costume in Eastern Washington was sold to one lucky customer at the Spirit Halloween store in Kennewick, Wash.
“It...
