Temporary Ceasefire Declared So America Can Fully Focus On Denying Own Genocidal Occupation for Thanksgiving
In a gracious show of solidarity between the nations, today Israel agreed to a temporary ceasefire on Gaza so that its closest ally—the United...
Amazon to Withhold Bananas Until Morale Improves
Frustrated with Amazon workers’ slower productivity after being forced to work in the office again, especially during its busiest time of year, today Amazon...
Guy Who Kind of Knew Kurt Cobain Just Waiting for You to Ask About It
Patrons of Pioneer Square’s legendary Central Saloon are reporting that one of the bar’s regulars, a bearded man with flannel tied at his waist,...
Eastern Washingtonians Upset They Can Only Be Anti-Semitic or Islamophobic
As the world reels from one massive tragedy to another, thousands of Eastern Washingtonians say they are mourning more innocent times when they didn’t...
Seattle Voters Already Disappointed by City Council They Just Elected
Moments after the Seattle City Council race was certified today, a collective groan could be heard throughout the Emerald City.
“When I voted for Joy...
Local Teen Confused About Lack of Elf Bars, JUUL at Julefest
Identity obscured by a vape cloud, a local teen wondered aloud between fat rips and coughing fits about the lack of imported holiday-flavored Elf...
First Person in History Exits Capitol Hill Station Exactly Where They Intended
After years of arduous exploration, today Seattle resident Nolan Rice became the first person in history to exit the Capitol Hill Light Rail Station...
Mayor Harrell Follows Shotspotter Ask with Shitspotter Technology to Detect Dog Poop Anywhere in City
As the Seattle City Council's budget committee debated whether to approve funding for Shotspotter’s controversial and reportedly ineffective gunshot detection technology, today Mayor Bruce...
This Week on KING5: Fall Fashions to Keep You From Being Run Over By Police at 3x the Speed Limit
Last week KING5 shared with you what fall fashions are totally out and not what to wear this season by being the first local...
Tired of Waiting for Dick’s, West Seattle Opens Muff’s
Finally fed up with Dick’s after it recently announced its next new drive-in fast food location would be in Everett, West Seattle proved it...
