Israel Wins Oscar for Best Performance as ‘Victim’ in Ongoing Genocide
Despite stiff competition from the greatest actors in the world, tonight Israel won the Oscar for Best Performance as “Victim” in Ongoing Genocide, which...
City Planner Regrets Layout of New Ridgefield Strip Mall
Excitement for Washington state’s first In-N-Out location near Vancouver was deflated today after the Ridgefield City Planner realized the unfortunately suggestive layout of the...
Embarrassing: UW Cherry Trees Prematurely Blossom All Over Quad
An embarrassing incident unfolded at the University of Washington today after its world-famous cherry trees prematurely blossomed all over the Quad, well before the...
Uncommitted Delegates Announce They Want to Settle Down, Just Haven’t Met Right Candidate Yet
After being slandered for a week in the media for being nothing but a bunch of promiscuous political players who can’t commit to anyone,...
SPD to Receive 23% Retroactive Raise, or 4% for Every Officer Present on January 6th
The tentative Seattle Police Officers’ Guild contract released this week includes a 23% retroactive wage bump that was calculated by increasing their wage almost...
Overpopulated Tech Bros Airlifted and Relocated to Olympic Peninsula
With mating season just around the corner, Seattle Parks and Recreation has already gotten to work on relocating the city’s overpopulated herds of tech...
Man Cosplays as ‘Person Who Can Afford Student Loan Payments’ at Emerald City Comic Con
Today local fantasy world enthusiast, 31-year-old Greg, announced he’ll be cosplaying at this weekend’s Emerald City Comic Con as someone who can afford student...
Chaotic Incident Wipes Out Entire City of Tacoma, Reports CNN
CNN and many other of the nation’s most trusted media outlets are reporting that some kind of chaotic incident this afternoon has apparently taken...
Orcas Launch Human Watching Tours
After scoping out several hot spots to take orca pods near Seattle shores recently, today marine biologists and several Seattle residents confirmed orcas have...
Uber Eats Opts to Pay Drivers with Half Your Meal
After a month of charging customers an extra $5 per order to cover the cost of Seattle’s new mandatory minimum wage for delivery drivers,...
