Seattle City Council Promises Federal Government Won’t Abuse Surveillance Camera Expansion, Only Local One
As the Seattle City Council approved a giant expansion of surveillance cameras across the city Tuesday, every local civil rights group and citizen who...
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
After years of vacillation about whether it should be officially labeled a psychological disorder, the National Order of Psychiatrists confirmed today that they’ve added...
Festive Local Man Already Putting Out Winter Depression Decorations
Too excited to wait on getting in the spirit of his favorite part of rainy season, festive local man Daniel Langley admitted today he’s...
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
In a moving and unprecedented show of deference, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell announced he’s ensuring every police officer recites a land acknowledgment before...
Waymo Trying to Get Through 5-Way Green Lake Stop Spontaneously Combusts
A Waymo’s pilot drive through Seattle came to an explosive end today after a half hour of trying to get through a five-way Green...
‘Find Him, Fix Him’ App Helps Seattle Men Who Need Therapy Find Women Who Should Know Better
Expanding on the popularity of the city’s “Find It, Fix It” app that sends city crews to fix problems citizens spot and report, today...
Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native
In a moving show of respect, sacrifice, and deference, today local white man Don Pudd honored Indigenous Peoples' Day by successfully taking an entire...
Archaeologists Find Leif Erikson Also First Explorer to Discover Parking on Market Street on a Sunday
Just in time for Leif Erikson Day, new archaeological evidence has been discovered to suggest that, in addition to being the first European to...
Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Clogs Gorge to Remind Cal Raleigh Who the Real Big Dumper Is
Jealous of the attention homerun record-breaking Mariners player “Big Dumper” Cal Raleigh has gotten lately, today the Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus clogged the...
ICE Arrests Firefighters Caught Attempting to Murder Wildfire
The largest wildfire burning in the state of Washington is still alive today thanks to brave federal U.S. Border Patrol and ICE agents who...
