Area Raccoons Request Halloween Pumpkins Be Put Out Early
Local raccoons came together today to formally request that the public fully give into their autumnal urges this weekend and put out Halloween pumpkins...
Starbucks Cancels Pumpkin Spice Season After Cinnamon Unionizes
This morning Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol made the unexpected and startling announcement that the company has canceled pumpkin spice season only three days into...
KOMO to Air Hour of Sinclair CEO Sucking Off Trump Instead of ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’
Standing firm in its decision to pre-empt Jimmy Kimmel Live! even as ABC agreed to air the show again, Seattle TV station KOMO confirmed...
Jimmy Kimmel Actually Still More Pissed Seattle Radio Station Fired Him Over Joke About Mariners Owner in 1990
As support poured in for Jimmy Kimmel after ABC indefinitely pulled his late-night show off-air, the comedian admitted in an exclusive interview with The...
Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse
As a thick blanket of rain descends on the greater Seattle area for every foreseeable day in the local weather forecast, The Needling’s intrepid...
Local Woman Feels Bad for Fallen Lime Scooter
One local woman was overcome with sorrow on her morning walk today after she encountered a lone, destitute Lime Scooter fallen on the sidewalk.
“I...
RFK Jr. Announces Plan to Extend Nation’s Average Lifespan with Little Bite on the Neck
As part of a new health initiative that will completely circumvent the modern pharmaceutical industry, today Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. announced...
Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz Experience Sexual Awakening After Playing Doctor Together
According to prematurely leaked video of them staying late one night at the White House, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz recently experienced a late-life...
Seattle Fire Rescues Eddie Vedder Stuck in Tree
One local Eddie Vedder is safe and sound tonight after Seattle Fire rescued them from a high tree branch they somehow climbed up and...
Sasquatch Finds Himself
The hunt is over: After decades of soul-searching, Sasquatch has found himself.Cryptozoologists have been looking for Bigfoot for over a hundred years, but none...
