Wrong Person Dies Again
Several reports are confirming that, once again, the wrong person has died.
“If you were hoping that if anyone died today that it would be...
‘End of SNAP Benefits Could Be Good for Business,’ Says Owner of Torch & Pitchfork Emporium
While most people are focusing on the negatives of starving poor people right before the holidays, some are saying ending SNAP food stamp benefits...
Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire
Today local dominatrix Madame Payne announced that she’s officially added tracking Seattle mayoral election results to her BDSM repertoire.
“For my clients with a kink...
Mt. Rainier Suffers Seasonal Affective Disorder, Will Winter in Tucson
Saying 500,000 years is long enough to stay in one place, Mt. Rainier announced today it’s relocating to the desert Southwest gem of Tucson,...
Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores
Starbucks’ stock price jumped 35% today after the company unexpectedly closed every Starbucks location.
“Our ‘Back to Starbucks’ strategy was initially a ruse for closing...
Atmospheric River Runs Wild Waves Out of Business
Admitting there was no way to out-compete the increasingly popular wet global warming phenomenon, today Wild Waves Theme Park in Federal Way announced it’s...
Introverted Salmon Anxious About Seeing Childhood Schoolmates In Spawning Stream
An introverted sockeye salmon that has spent the last five years swimming the Pacific Ocean admitted today that it’s not looking forward to seeing...
Couple Hikes Mount Si to Train for Townhome Stairs
With 3,100 feet of elevation gained in four miles, local hikers say Mount Si is the perfect local trail to train for more strenuous...
Federal Way Light Rail Extension Opens Stations in Star Lake and 5 Other Fictional Universes
Angle Lake is officially no longer the only Sound Transit light rail station that welcomes Seattle-area residents to the doorstep of a fictional universe:...
Harrell Argues Seattle Needs Mayor Who Can Afford Enough Childcare to Forget Own Child Even Exists
After KUOW reported the groundbreaking scandal that progressive Seattle mayoral candidate Katie Wilson’s parents have pitched in on childcare costs as she campaigns, today...
