Aw! 5 Adorable STDs That Still Think They’re Scary
Like a boogeyman in the sheets, STDs once haunted us with their terrifying prospects of oozing genitalia sores, searing urination, and increased chances of...
Our Top 6 Real Fake News Headlines Mistaken for Fake Real News
Here at The Needling, we take our credibility as Seattle’s Only Real Fake News as seriously as possible. We say it at the top...
Marie Kondo Sheds Single Tear as Pickup Truck Full of Toilet Paper Speeds By
A peaceful day of tidying up was interrupted this afternoon when international minimalist sensation Marie Kondo witnessed a pickup truck hauling a 10-foot high...
New Amazon Alex Talks Over You at Meetings
Amazon announced today that it has equipped its Echo devices
with Alexa’s first male-voiced counterpart, Alex, which comes with the added
functionality of talking over you...
Bar Trivia Team Left Looking for Answers After Season Cancellation
A dedicated bar trivia team of three good friends and five
casual acquaintances, all of whom have unsuccessfully dated each other, say
they’re struggling tonight after...
Seattle’s Anti-social Reputation Threatened By Disturbingly Introvert-friendly Transplant
Concerns are mounting that Seattle’s long-held reputation for being full of unwelcoming, anti-social assholes is in danger following reports that at least one introvert-friendly...
Raccoon Elder Council Recommends Washing Food for 20 Seconds with Weird Little Hands
Unable to resist the allure of a hand-washing related hygiene crisis, the Raccoon Elders Council emerged from their reclusive oak hollows and abandoned burrows...
Trump Supporter Tests Positive for Deadly Democratic Hoax
After days of suffering a fever, cough and chest tightness
worrisome enough to warrant hospitalization, doctors have confirmed local Trump
supporter Craig Duncan, 45, has tested...
Seahawks GM Finally Asks Pete Carroll to Chew Gum with Mouth Closed
By Guest Sports Correspondent Dustin Nickerson
As the coronavirus continues to spread and citizens everywhere take preventive measures to stop the transmission of germs, Seahawks...
Thousands in Seattle Area Attacked, Blinded by Sudden Appearance of Flaming Orb Floating in Sky
Public Health officials are reporting that thousands if not millions of Seattle area residents were suddenly struck in the face with spring-like rays of...
