Extrovert Enters Fifth Grueling Week of Introvert Bootcamp
Five weeks after enrolling in a mandatory home-based introvert bootcamp program led by roommates who grew up in Seattle, local extrovert and Texas transplant...
Man Getting Laid About the Same Rate as Before Virus
According to the latest data sets recorded over the last few weeks, researchers are confirming Mountlake Terrace resident Gerald Pataki, 34, is getting laid...
Secret Service Agent Kissed in Line of Fire, Saving Joe Biden From Himself
A secret service agent was critically smooched tonight while heroically leaping to protect South Carolina Democratic primary winner, Joe Biden, from yet another attempt...
God Unleashes Plague of Beautiful Sunny Days to Blight People in Quarantine
After driving Seattle residents into their homes last month to quarantine away from a pandemic, God has unveiled Part 2 of his dastardly plan...
Fox News Insists Sacrificing Easter Bunny May Be Necessary to Save Economy
With Easter looming and no end to the Coronavirus pandemic in sight, Fox News political pundits have begun to surmise that a sacrifice of...
‘Get Back Here, You Twerp’ Screams Klobuchar, Chasing Shrieking Buttigieg Around Debate Stage
The latest Democratic debate in South Carolina Tuesday night quickly went off the rails as bickering between Senator Amy Klobuchar and Mayor Pete Buttigieg...
Local Woman Quickly Running Out of Spaces to Organize
Friends and family are growing increasingly concerned for one local woman who is dangerously close to running out of closets, drawers and shelves to...
Joe Biden Vows to Bring Troops Home from Vietnam, Work with Soviets on Détente
Wilmington, Delaware – In a statement livestreamed from the depths of his basement office, Joe Biden vowed today to unite both progressive and moderate...
Report: Grandma Still Waiting for You to Call
Multiple sources including your parents are reporting that your sweet old grandmother is currently still sitting in her big chair, half-watching I Love Lucy,...
At First We Thought Bloomberg Was Just Another Racist Billionaire, But Then He Gave Us Money
We here at The Needling knew our first political endorsement
during our Decide for Me 2020 coverage would be kind of a big deal. As
Seattle’s...
