Man Not Okay with White Silence Still Pretty Okay with Male Silence
Local white antiracist dude Chase Hedges, who impressed social media followers the world over with his brave calls to end white silence this last...
Angel of Death Thrilled to Announce U.S. Annual Mortality Rate Up by Over 15%
In news which shocked no one, the Angel of Death proudly announced in an annual business review today that the U.S. Annual Mortality Rate...
Bruce Harrell Police Reform Plan Promises Pizza Parties for Every Week SPD Doesn’t Kill Someone
After facing criticism from social justice advocates, today Seattle mayoral candidate Bruce Harrell unveiled a police reform proposal that promises full funding of office...
Seattle-area Tooth Fairy Now Only Offering Bitcoin
In an effort to decentralize her financial operations, one Seattle-area tooth fairy says she is now only doling out fractions of cryptocurrency under the...
Local Sleuth Traces Anxiety Attack to Ninth Cup of Coffee
After conducting an investigation so riveting true crime podcasters are already clawing over each other to tell her story, area Detective Benita Collins confirmed...
Fan Cheated of Authentic Mariners Experience After Attending Winning Game
After waiting for more than a year to attend one of their games again at T-Mobile Park last night, Mariners fan Sammy Sandoval said...
Seattleite in Vancouver Launches Formal Investigation into WTF That Is
A Seattle resident visiting Vancouver, B.C this weekend confirmed today that she’ll be launching a formal investigation into whatever the fuck that thing that...
‘I Just Can’t Bring Myself to Cook in the Summer,’ Says Man Who Doesn’t Cook in the Fall, Winter or Spring
After smashing the food delivery button for the second time in 12 hours, Maple Leaf's local restaurant savior Henry Woodbury confessed tonight he just...
Local Woman Can’t Escape Café, Watching Everyone’s Stuff for a Second
Rescue crews are still attempting to extract a woman trapped on a Diva Espresso café patio in Broadview this evening after the woman promised...
Curbside Couches in Central District Now Going for $100K Above Asking Price
After reviewing recent trends in the Central District’s curbside couch market, financial analysts are reportedly now advising prospective couch buyers to pay as much...
