Single Withered Carrot Raised Aloft from Garden Like Excalibur
After an entire summer of carefully tending to a new vegetable garden on an at least daily basis, several witnesses say that neighbor Garrett...
Pete Carroll’s Gum to Retire at End of Season
In a move that shocked football fans everywhere, today Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll’s longtime chewing gum, Chewy Bubble-Yum, announced his intent to retire from...
Heartwarming: These Unvaccinated First Responders Weren’t Allowed to Spread COVID at Work So They Did It For Free
A heartwarming display of unsanitary civic showmanship was on display in Pioneer Square yesterday after former members of the Seattle Police and Fire Departments,...
The Next Kyrsten Sinema? This Woman Isn’t Planning on Doing Shit Today Either
Hot on the colorful heels of the Arizona senator’s refusal to attempt even the most basic duties of her elected office, a Capitol Hill...
Harrell Announces He’s Officially Received Enough Donations from Bellevue to Run for Mayor There Instead
After months of campaigning to be the next mayor of Seattle, Bruce Harrell announced today that he’s now officially received so many campaign contributions...
Starbucks Recommends Pumpkin Spice Booster if Last Latte Was More Than 2 Hours Ago
After much speculation since the release of their fall flavors last month, coffee experts at Starbucks’ CDC (Caffeine Deficiency Center) officially announced today that...
Missing White Woman at Target This Whole Time
After a strenuous, weeklong search that required all of local law enforcement’s resources plus volunteer teams, the Seattle Police Department says missing white woman...
COVID a Little Nervous for First Day Back at School
After a long summer vacation in Florida, a local viral COVID-19 particle confessed today that she has a lot of anxiety and trepidation over...
Washington State Fair Ring Toss Prizes All Ivermectin This Year
At the opening of the annual Washington State Fair this Labor Day Weekend, fairgoers say they were shocked and, in some cases, pleasantly surprised...
Mental Health Significantly Worse After Logging on Facebook to Post About Mental Health Day
While advocates for mental health awareness applauded well-intentioned social media efforts on World Mental Health Day, experts warned that just three minutes on the...
