Guy Who Came Up with Seasonal Affective Disorder Acronym Very Proud of Self
Nearly 30 years after a psychiatric study first described and named the syndrome, scientists are confirming the psychologist who discovered Seasonal Affective Disorder’s acronym,...
Move Over Bezos Balls: Here Comes Andy Jassy’s Glassy Assy
Move over Bezos Balls! CEO Andy Jassy has announced today that the mass Amazon layoffs will soon fund the region's newest vanity project, a...
Russell Wilson Stands Outside Pete Carroll’s House with Boombox Overhead
In a stirring moment of brave devotion and vulnerability, today former Seattle franchise quarterback Russell Wilson attempted to reconnect with Pete Carroll outside the...
Epidemiologists Trace Origin of New COVID Subvariant Name ‘Kraken’ to Rabid Canucks Fan
After weeks of investigating the source of the new COVID subvariant name, Kraken, today epidemiologists at the University of Washington confirmed it definitely came...
National Guard Summoned as Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition Enters 5th Day
After an endless volley of Christmas song choruses entered its fifth day at Pike Place Market, today Seattle officials finally called in the National...
Why I Refuse to Use Public Transit Unless It Looks Like the Cute Trolley from Mister Rogers
Look, I’m all for reducing car usage and our carbon footprint by using public transit to help save the environment and slow the advance...
Seattle Public Schools to Settle TikTok Lawsuit for Record 600,000 Likes
After Seattle Public Schools filed lawsuits against all major social media platforms last week accusing them of damaging youth mental health, today the district...
Seattle Native Succumbs to Violent Stab Wounds
Mourners gathered today at a Downtown makeshift memorial to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Walter Jensen, a local ophthalmologist and pillar of...
Mint-Condition Bellevue Sidewalk Tragically Trampled by Local Pedestrian
A sparkling stretch of mint-condition Bellevue concrete was tragically trampled today by an as-of-yet unidentified suspect who allegedly destroyed it by actually walking on...
Hiker Who Completed AllTrails Review for Rattlesnake Ledge Ready to Summit Everest
Local hiker and realistic expectation setter Jason Peters announced that, after completing a written AllTrails review for Rattlesnake Ledge today, he is now officially...
