Father-Son Phone Call Enters Record 14th Minute Following First Sports Event in Months
After the cancellation of most sports events nationwide resulted in a disheartening downturn in father-son phone calls, spirits rose again as a recent call between John Castle and his son, Brett, entered a record-setting...
WWE Confirms Jay the Snake Monday Night Raw Match Against Cold COVID-19
Rumors circulating since President Donald Trump called Washington State Governor Jay Inslee “a snake” Friday are true: Jay the Snake will return to the WWE Monday Night Raw ring in a professional wrestling match...
Bar Trivia Team Left Looking for Answers After Season Cancellation
A dedicated bar trivia team of three good friends and five
casual acquaintances, all of whom have unsuccessfully dated each other, say
they’re struggling tonight after learning that the National Bar Trivia League
has officially cancelled this...
Seahawks GM Finally Asks Pete Carroll to Chew Gum with Mouth Closed
By Guest Sports Correspondent Dustin Nickerson
As the coronavirus continues to spread and citizens everywhere take preventive measures to stop the transmission of germs, Seahawks General Manager John Schneider finally asked veteran Head Coach Pete Carroll...
Mariners Fans Expect Cancelled MLB Season Would Be Best M’s Season in Years
By Guest Mariners Correspondent Dustin Nickerson
In the midst of COVID-19 outbreaks across the country, cancellations of several high-profile sporting league calendars have Seattle Mariners fans optimistic about a potentially cancelled MLB season that would...
Breaking: New NHL Team Reportedly Named Seattle Not-the-SuperSonics
After a sports radio program reportedly leaked the
long-awaited name of Seattle’s new hockey team today, National Hockey League
officials are neither confirming nor denying that the Key Arena-bound team’s
name is the Seattle Not-the-SuperSonics.
“When the...
Blue Friday-Dressed Californian Believes He’s ‘Finally Fitting In’
In an adorable show of desperate bandwagoning, one apparently lost Californian confidently wandered into a Downtown Seattle office for today's Blue Friday dressed head-to-toe in Seahawks regalia.
“It’s
the most strangely cute and pathetic thing I’ve...
UW Students Protest New ‘Bowser Center for Esports’ Arena Named For Historic Tyrant
The University of Washington’s new
Esports arena has found itself mired in controversy following the decision to
name it for Bowser, who many with any common sense consider a historic tyrant.
“Of all the things they could...
Pete Carroll Blows Out Jaw, Tears TMJ
In a devastating addition to the Seattle Seahawks' injury report, it appears Head Coach Pete Carroll gnawed into his signature gum so hard this week he blew out his jaw, tearing his TMJ.
Carroll,...
Desperate Pete Carroll Spends Sunday Morning Luring Marshawn Lynch to CenturyLink with Trail of Skittles
Facing a slew of injuries heading into the final game of the regular season, a desperate Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll spent game day Sunday morning laying an extensive trail of Skittles leading...
