Local News

Concerns are mounting that Seattle’s long-held reputation for being full of unwelcoming, anti-social assholes is in danger following reports that at least one introvert-friendly transplant has infiltrated the city. Sara Nielson said she unknowingly came...

Unable to resist the allure of a hand-washing related hygiene crisis, the Raccoon Elders Council emerged from their reclusive oak hollows and abandoned burrows today to discuss the disease plaguing their human neighbors and...

Public Health officials are reporting that thousands if not millions of Seattle area residents were suddenly struck in the face with spring-like rays of blinding ultra-violet light today, mercilessly ripping dilated pupils closed everywhere....

Extra blankets at the ready and tea kettle bubbling, Fremont couple Henry and June Culbert's cozy nights have rapidly turned to quiet desperation as the prolonged coronavirus quarantine has threatened to deplete their well-stocked...

In lieu of last year’s city-incapacitating snowpocalypse, Seattle's ongoing deluge of liquid rain is once again giving local natives the upper hand on handling winter weather while Midwest transplants are forced to leave their...

In what some are calling a coronavirus-era miracle, the few poorly paid and overworked reporters who still remain in the local newspaper industry for some godforsaken reason finally showed their community some heart when...

Customers of a local Safeway in Des Moines, Wash. were bewildered this afternoon when Democratic presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden somehow wandered into the store offering free hugs and shoulder rubs. “He kept on...

Due to public health officials already successfully lobbying for the cancellation of most social events during the local coronavirus outbreak, millions across the Seattle area announced today they would officially be canceling plans to cancel plans themselves...

One Belltown man's expansive view of the Puget Sound apartment disappeared today when it was suddenly replaced by a view of the 40-story Arrive tower and, more specifically, the floor-to-ceiling window of Jeffrey Morgan’s...

Fresh off of winning Jeopardy’s Greatest of All Time Tournament in dominant fashion, newly crowned champion Ken Jennings reportedly spent last night rampaging through Seattle on a knowledge-boasting bender, siphoning pointless questions from various trivia events across...