Lone Black Employee Given Honor of Creating, Running Diversity Committee
In an unprecedented and grand gesture to celebrate their commitment to diversity, local law firm Piper, Hitler, & Jenkins paid homage to accountant Jeni...
Amazon Prime Day Leak Reveals List of Local Politicians You Can Buy
An Amazon.com Prime Day website glitch today accidentally revealed a list of deals on local Seattle politicians who can apparently be bought at a...
Loud Car Crash Unites Neighborhood More Than Pandemic Ever Could
A quiet street in Green Lake experienced an unprecedented moment of unity today after a loud car crash sent residents pouring out of their...
Washington State Officially Renames ‘Slow’ Lane to ‘Passing Your Slow AF Ass’ Lane
After years of failing to convince thousands of Washington State drivers that freeway left lanes are for passing, not blocking and babysitting everyone who...
Man Can’t Believe Buy Nothing Group Not Pouncing on Half-Eaten Box of Waffles
A Ballard man has been left in disbelief today after not even a single member of his local Buy Nothing group showed interest in...
Seagulls, Pigeons Cheer Return of Tourist Trash to Seattle After Dismal Summer of 2020
After a tough summer last year, seagulls and pigeons say plentiful sights of tourists’ irresponsibly discarded gum packages, Piroshky Piroshky wrappers and Starbucks cakepop...
Dow Constantine Campaign Scrambling to Remember What County Executive Is and Does
Following news that Washington State Sen. Joe Nguyen would be his first serious challenger for his elected office in years, sources confirm Dow Constantine’s...
Gov. Inslee Opens Vaccine Eligibility to All Remaining Unvaccinated Motherfuckers Who Aren’t Motherfucking Vaccinated Yet
After opening to all other categories, today Governor Jay Inslee officially opened up Phase 9z vaccine eligibility for all unvaccinated motherfuckers who aren’t motherfucking...
Nice! Nature Treats Entire City to Free Sauna
After an incredibly stressful last year, the entire Seattle area was treated to a free, daylong sauna today by Mother Nature. Sweet!
“You all looked...
The Needling Wins Pulitzer Prize for Realest Real Fake News Reporting
Today the Pulitzer Prize, the most prestigious honor in U.S. journalism, was awarded to The Needling for Realest Real Fake Local News Reporting.
“For its...
