Green Lake Swimmer Grows Impressive Tail
Friends and family of longtime Green Lake swimmer Lloyd Davidson are marveling today at the new, scaled appendage that’s now rippling from his tailbone.
“Oh,...
Jenny Durkan’s Heart and 7 Other Places to Cool Off This Weekend
If you’re looking for a place to cool off during this unprecedented scorcher in Seattle, where a majority of us do not have AC,...
Andrew Yang Seen Licking Gum Wall Before Announcing Seattle Mayoral Campaign
Following his concession from New York City’s mayoral race, Andrew Yang was spotted this afternoon licking the famed Gum Wall in a desperate attempt...
Seattle Resentful Pete Holmes Corrupt Enough They Forced to Learn What City Attorney Does
Tensions are high today say thousands of Seattle voters furious that Pete Holmes is corrupt enough they’ve now been forced to learn what a...
Councilmember Mosqueda Recounts Harrowing Escape from Seattle Times Endorsement
Family and friends of Seattle City Councilmember Teresa Mosqueda are still counting their blessings tonight after the dedicated labor rights leader narrowly escaped a...
Next Season of Survivor to Star Local Bridges Vying for Infrastructure Funds
Reality show classic Survivor announced today in a gripping teaser that its next season will feature decrepit Seattle bridges vying for infrastructure funds.
“That grand...
Man Who Moved to Seattle 12 Minutes Ago Upset Everyone Moving to Seattle
Longtime Ballard resident of 12 minutes and 37 seconds Jeff Coleman announced today he’s getting quickly frustrated and concerned about the absurd number of...
‘Everything Is Back To Normal,’ Says Inslee for Some Reason
Following what appeared to be a bright light quickly dissipating from the ether, Governor Jay Inslee stated a simple televised address to the entire...
Pioneer Square Man Ranting About Decline of Humanity Actually Just Dori Monson
Several local citizens today discovered a disheveled Pioneer Square man ranting about Seattle’s demise via cannibalistic homeless gangs and The Seahawks to be none...
Amazon Launches Audit of U.S. Government After Owing $9 in Taxes
The United States government is currently undergoing a gigantic audit by Amazon, its corporate overlord, after the tech giant discovered today that the nation...
