Local Nonprofit Quietly Hoping Steve Ballmer’s Marriage Crumbles Before Next Fiscal Year
After a bleak fundraising year stifled by the COVID-19 pandemic, one local nonprofit says their only hope to make it through the next fiscal...
Local Asshole Uses Merging Lane How It Was Designed to Be Used
The heads of several drivers stalled in Seattle traffic exploded today after witnessing an asshole drive down to the end of an empty merging...
Manager Horrified to Discover Intern Left in Office During Pandemic Now Feral
A sales manager at a South Lake Union office was left horrified today after discovering his intern had gone feral after he was accidentally...
Progress! Ballard Goodwill Donation Line Now Only Backed Up to Tukwila
Today residents from Federal Way are planning to bang pots and pans at 8 p.m. to celebrate the first day since May 2020 that...
Landlord Awaiting End to Eviction Moratorium Excited to Complain About Unrelated Surge in Homeless Population
With the nationwide eviction moratorium set to expire tomorrow, landlords across the country are eagerly awaiting the opportunity to complain about a massive incoming...
Bruce Harrell Vows Action After Hundreds of Tents Discovered Inside REI
Seattle Mayoral candidate Bruce Harrell held a news conference inside the Seattle-based sporting goods store today to blast City Hall for inaction after discovering...
Alpha Delta Lambda COVID Denies Fatal Hazing Rituals
Amidst increasingly damning allegations, today viral variant fraternity Alpha Delta Lambda denied all accusations that it intentionally facilitates routinely fatal hazing rituals.
“Look, asking pledges...
Ecological Win! New Artificial Reef Constructed Entirely from Mayor Durkan’s Discarded Cell Phones
In what is being declared a major ecological win, local marine biologists have discovered a brand new artificial reef teeming with life just off...
SPD Chief Vows to Punish Officers at DC Riot with One Last Month of Paid Administrative Leave
Following a report from Seattle’s Office of Police Accountability that confirmed today two Seattle Police Department officers were on U.S. Capitol steps and four...
‘Huh, West Seattle Bridge Is Closed Today,’ Says Ballard Resident Driving 99 South For First Time In Years
Upon venturing the ominous depths of Highway 99 South for the first time in years, Ballard resident Chris Brock found himself surprised and bewildered...
