Despite being more than a year into a national coin shortage, nothing can dampen one local landlord’s fetish for quarter-eating laundry machines.
“Call me old fashioned, but I think if you’re going to be a proper greedy landlord, you need to fondle several stacks of coins on your desk and have a secret chamber of coins to swim at any time of day,” said landlord association president Carl Turner, who sports a tattoo of a large front load machine on his bicep. “Several tenants have asked if I could just add a fee or something to their rent that would cover the water and maintenance for the laundry room, but that really takes the fun out of imagining how hard these losers have to chase down quarters to insert into my old machines.”
The Needling reached out to one of Carl’s tenants for a different perspective on the issue.
“Yeah, no, not as into his kink as he is. I am so desperate for quarters that for Christmas I just asked all of my aunties and uncles to give me the change from their car center consoles,” said Shannon Rodriguez, a tenant of an older building in Queen Anne “I have enough to do 4 loads, if the machines don’t eat any extras. After that, I’m back to washing my clothes with my tears in my bathtub.”
At press time, the average number of days people are wearing their underwear without washing is up to 4 days.
